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Teenagers and Alcohol

In many societies, alcohol has come to be viewed as the most socially-acceptable of drugs. For many teenagers, consequently, learning to use and manage alcohol is seen as a normal part of the growing-up process, and the experience of becoming drunk a kind of rite of passage. The result of social acceptance, however, is a kind of collective down-playing of the dangers of alcohol, both in terms of the drug itself and in terms of the increased risks it brings to other activities.

We begin our consideration with a look at the basic facts about alcohol.

  • Alcohol is a drug.
  • It is a depressant.
  • It is addictive.

When a person consumes an alcoholic drink, about a third of the alcohol is absorbed immediately into the bloodstream through the stomach wall, whilst the remaining two-thirds is absorbed more slowly through the small intestine. Once in the bloodstream, the alcohol circulates the body where it can affect all its organs, but its primary focus is the brain and central nervous system. As a depressant, alcohol acts to slow down the processes of the human body. Initially, it inhibits the area of the brain responsible for self-consciousness, which means the person can experience a short-lived sense of freedom, and which leads to alcohol sometimes being seen mistakenly as a stimulant. However, after this initial effect, its depressant nature becomes more readily apparent in symptoms like slurred speech, unsteadiness in standing or walking, reduced inability to process information, impaired memory and drowsiness. Over-exposure to the drug can have serious consequences, including suppression of breathing, coma and death.

Brain scans have confirmed the depressant nature of alcohol, which acts to suppress the activity of the pre-frontal cortex: the area of the brain responsible for decision-making. The initial experience of freedom from inhibition is one of the features of alcohol that contributes to its highly addictive nature, helping people relax in social situations they might otherwise find stressful. Those who are unable to control their response to the drug’s addictive nature are known as alcoholics, who require alcohol to sustain their day-to-day functioning. The long-term damaging effects of alcohol on the human body are both well known and well documented.

The legal minimum age for drinking alcohol varies between countries. Whereas 13 is widely given as the average age for a first drink, an article published in The Guardian at the beginning of 2018 claimed for the UK that, “… 14% of girls and 20% of boys had tried alcohol at the age of 11”. Furthermore, the article went on to claim, “… the latest findings show that overall almost half of teenagers had tried alcohol by age 14”. The rise in binge drinking (usually defined as more than 5 drinks in a session) amongst older teenagers during the last decade has given rise to considerable societal concern.

The dangers associated with drinking alcohol for teenagers fall mainly into two categories: the possible effects of the alcohol on the developing teenage brain and body; and exposure, as a result of the alcohol consumption, to activities riskier than those to which the teenagers would ordinarily be exposed. Much has been learned over the past decade through brain research, about the major phase of human brain development that occurs during the teenage years until the mid-twenties. This phase of extraordinary brain development occurs coincidentally with the time period which, for many, is the heaviest period of exposure to alcohol of their entire lives. As one Australian publication warns, “Drinking alcohol can cause irreversible changes to the developing brain, particularly to the area of the brain that is responsible for rational thinking. Damage to this part of the brain during its development can lead to learning difficulties, memory problems, and impaired problem solving.”

Alongside the health-related dangers of alcohol, there is the element of risk that comes from engaging in certain activities whilst under the influence of alcohol. Top of the list is driving, or being a passenger of someone, under the influence of alcohol. Teenagers are also more likely, when under the influence of alcohol, to engage in unprotected sexual activity, to become the perpetrators or victims of sexual assaults, to become involved in violent incidents, to commit self-harm or suicide.

Advice for Parents

In light of the widespread availability and social acceptance of alcohol in many societies, on the one hand, and of the dangers outlined above, on the other, the best advice to parents is twofold. Firstly, delay as long as possible the initial use of alcohol by your teenager. Secondly, when delay is no longer a feasible option, stress the importance of the safest possible use.

Delay initial exposure to alcohol. This advice is strongly rooted in the effect of alcohol on the teenager’s developing brain. As the article cited earlier from Reachout.com states with regard to the teenage brain, “… the longer your teenager delays using alcohol, and the less they drink, the better their brain functioning will be now and in later life.” The findings of teenage brain research are still relatively new, but as they receive further confirmation, and as they become more widely known, I would expect the drive to delay the initial exposure of teenagers to alcohol also to intensify. For years, one of the favoured approaches of many parents was to introduce their teenagers to alcohol a little at a time in the safety of the home environment. The results of an Australian study reported in The Lancet in early 2018 reached the conclusion that “There is no evidence to support the practice of parents providing alcohol to their teenagers to protect them from alcohol-related risks during early adolescence”. In fact, the study’s findings “strongly suggest that parental supply of alcohol to adolescents does not protect against future alcohol-related harm, and might in fact increase risk.”

Safe use. Regardless of the strategies used by parents to delay the use of alcohol by their teenagers, there comes a time for most when teenagers decide to try it for themselves. From this point on, the role of the parent shifts to trying to ensure the safest possible use. This includes (at the very least):

  • making teenagers aware of the effects of alcohol on the human brain and body;
  • giving advice on maintaining an acceptable level of consumption;
  • suggesting how to resist peer pressure to drink more or to excess;
  • making clear the dangers of binge drinking;
  • agreeing sensible transport arrangements to and from parties;
  • making it clear to your teenagers that they remain responsible for their actions towards others even when under the influence of alcohol;
  • assuring teenagers that you are always there for them whatever their situation;
  • putting in place emergency arrangements for you to “rescue” them at a moment’s notice from situations where they feel they might be in danger.

Role model a responsible use of alcohol. However strong a parent’s words about alcohol and its dangers, the way their parents handle alcohol will have more effect on the teenager. Teenagers notice the discrepancies between the words and actions of their parents. Such are the dangers to teenagers from the misuse of alcohol, however, that parents will want to avoid sending mixed messages about its use, about drinking and driving, and about all the other areas where alcohol impinges on social behaviour.

Communicate openly about alcohol and related issues. Teenagers may view their parents as old-fashioned or party-spoilers when they communicate about alcohol, but sometimes that’s what being a parent demands. Parents have to accept that sometimes their teenagers make decisions that go against their best advice, but parents can ensure that their teenagers make those decisions with full knowledge of the dangers, effects and possible consequences.

Keep safety the number one priority. A late night phone call from your teenager because their driver has been drinking and they do not want to get into the car with them is certainly inconvenient and not what you wanted after a long week at work. However, it is the kind of phone call that I would rather receive and respond to than have a visit from the police after a serious or fatal accident. Your teenagers need to know that on the few occasions they feel they have to make that call, you will respond and that they will not be in trouble for having made the call.

Advice for Teachers and Schools

Make clear information available. If they are so minded, teenagers can find information on the internet to support any stance they choose to adopt on alcohol. Parents can sometimes struggle to know good sources of information, as opposed to opinion. One way schools can support teenagers and their parents is to keep and make available, both to students and their parents, reliable information about alcohol, its effects and dangers, warning signs of alcohol dependence, where to find help if it is needed, etc. Reliable and easily accessible, up-to-date information can be an invaluable resource and a means of ensuring that discussions between parents and teenagers commence from a common starting point.

Be alert to the warning signs of alcohol-related issues. Teachers will often see the signs of alcohol-related problems in school, but schools need to ensure that teachers know what signs to look for, whom to tell, and what to do if they see those signs. This is an area of student care where regular and informed professional development of the whole teaching staff can make a big difference.

Have clear policies about alcohol and enforce them. Students, parents and teachers all need to know what happens if a student brings alcohol into school or attends school-related events whilst under the influence of alcohol. To be effective, such policies need to be communicated clearly and regularly, and they need to be enforced.

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Teenagers Take Risks

One of the recurring nightmares for parents of teenagers is that their teenager will participate in a genuinely risky activity, will take one risk too many, and that things will go wrong. With activities such as binge drinking, drug experimentation, dangerous driving, illegal activities, risky sexual practices, and unrestricted online encounters all on the list of possible areas for risk-taking, the seriousness of the consequences for some teenagers can easily be imagined.

Compared to those in both younger and older age-groups, adolescents and young adults take more risks. A variety of explanations has been suggested as to why this might be, including teenage hormone levels, the stage of their brain development, the need to explore for personality development, an attempt to break away from parental control, and that it reflects a common response to peer pressure and the desire to be included. None of these have received acceptance as a universal explanation for teenage risk-taking, but they have all received recognition as partial explanations for this widely observed phenomenon. This suggests the reasons for teenage risk-taking may be some form of complex combination of the above, with varying levels of significance attributed to each contributing cause according to the individual teenager and the communities from which they come.

Most commentators agree that risk-taking is a part of what might be termed “normal teenage behaviour”, part of the natural process of growing up. So, despite the understandable desire of some parents to prevent all forms of risk-taking, to do so should be regarded as ill-advised. If the freedom to explore and to try new things is part of the natural growing-up process, as it seems to be, then to obstruct it would be counter-productive to the goal of preparing teenagers for adulthood. On the other hand, if it is possible to moderate the more serious instances of risk-taking, so as to reduce the extreme dangers while still allowing room for experimentation and growth, then that would seem to be the preferred approach. This is the approach I shall pursue through the remainder of this article. 

Advice for Parents

Manage the risk-taking environment for younger teenagers. Finding a “safe” environment within which younger teenagers can experience the thrill of risk-taking is one avenue of approach that parents can explore. Family days out, perhaps taking along a few friends, to managed adventure activities is one way of helping younger teenagers experience the thrill of adventure and risk-taking within an environment where the risk-taking is managed to ensure safety, as far as possible. Roller coasters at theme parks, rope courses through the trees, zip wires, rock climbing, hiking, river rafting… are a few examples of the types of activity that carry the possibility of thrill-seeking for families and friends within a managed environment. Parents should be aware, too, that adventure activities are not the answer for every teenager. Some will gain more by way of thrill from performing drama, music or dance in front of a large audience. Parents will need to choose the activities in consultation with their young teenagers, taking into account the level of adventure and type of risk-taking to which they are suited. By supporting and engaging in such activities, the bond between parents and their teenagers can be strengthened, and the hope is that the thrill experienced in such ways will lessen the likelihood that the teenagers will feel the need to go and seek their thrills in other, unsupervised, environments.

Get to know their friends. Parents should be aware that teenagers are more likely to take risks when with a group of their peers than at other times. Vulnerability to peer pressure seems to peak at around the age of fifteen, so once again, this is a crucial factor of which parents of younger teenagers need to be aware. Making your home available for your teenager’s friends to hang out gives a great opportunity for getting to know their friends. Seeing your own teenager interact with their peer group at close quarters can tell you all manner of things about them and about the nature of the group dynamics in operation within the peer group. Such insights can be invaluable in subsequent private conversations with your teenager. Contrary to popular myth, teenagers are interested in finding out what adults think, and once they trust you, they may well ask about all manner of things. Being in a position to advise your teenager and their friends and to influence them with regard to the type of risks they might consider taking or avoiding is both a privilege and a responsibility.

Engage in straight talk with your teenager about risk-taking, dangers and possible consequences. At times, teenagers choose to go against their parents’ best advice. Parents cannot always prevent this from happening, but they can ensure that any such decisions by their teenager are at least taken from the position of being informed about the risks, dangers and consequences of their choices and actions. Some parents find it difficult to talk with their teenagers about such matters as alcohol and drugs, or unprotected sexual activity, but a few minutes of discomfort whilst engaging in straight talk about such matters is far better than prolonged periods of regret for not having talked through such matters in the aftermath of poor choices having led to serious consequences. An ongoing dialogue throughout the teenage years is the best context for such conversations, within which your teenager knows they can raise whatever issues with you that they wish and that you will always do your best to talk the matter through and give your best advice, even when they don’t like what you are saying. As an article in the New York Times expressed it, “… adolescents who have open lines of communication with their folks and describe their parents as available and understanding are less likely to engage in dangerous behavior”.

Be prepared to support your teenager through the consequences of their choices about risk-taking. Sometimes your teenager will heed your advice; sometimes they will choose otherwise. Whatever their choices, whatever risks they take, and whatever the consequences if things go wrong, parents need to avoid absolving their teenagers of responsibility and to offer support as they work through the consequences of their choices. Teenagers will take risks, they will make mistakes, but the essential thing is that they are helped to learn from those mistakes as they continue their journey towards adulthood.

Teenage risk-taking can be a worrying subject for parents, so perspective is important. As a research study undertaken at the university of Pennsylvania into adolescent risk-taking concludes, “For the vast majority of adolescents … this period of development passes without substance dependence, sexually transmitted infection, pregnancy, homicide, depression, suicide, or death due to car crashes.”

Advice for Teachers and Schools

Promote safety. Schools and teachers carry a responsibility for the safety of their students during the time they are in school or engaged in school-related activities. The spirit in which that responsibility is carried out communicates a great deal to students about a school’s attitude towards them. Safety can descend to the level of a box-ticking exercise. Concern about student safety can become submerged in a mass of procedural minutiae, from which students and teachers long to break free. However, genuine concern for student safety, backed up by clear communication about why procedures are necessary and which include the responsibility of students to look out for each other, can help shape the value students place on their own safety and that of their peers. This can provide a valuable context and framework within which those same teenagers will operate when making their own decisions about the kind of risks they are prepared to countenance.

Promote activities that challenge teenagers. Many schools give students opportunities to participate in the Performing Arts, where they can experience the challenge and excitement of performance before an audience. Many schools also offer group activities around the themes of adventure and service, thereby providing in a controlled manner the kind of thrills teenagers often seek. Teachers who have seen the effects of teenagers being encouraged to perform publically, or being exposed to cultures other their own through participation in international development projects, or who have accompanied expeditions, will readily attest to their value as learning opportunities. Teenagers who have the opportunity to find challenge and thrill through extra-curricular activities and programmes facilitated by schools will often talk, even years later, of the enormous influence for good such opportunities provided them during their teenage years, and about the life-shaping effects they experienced through them.

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Teenage Peer Pressure/Influence

When I talk with groups of parents whose children are approaching the teenage years, one concern that is frequently raised is that of peer pressure. Parents are afraid of the peer pressure to which their children may be subject in secondary school, believing it to be an almost irresistible force waiting to prey on their innocent children. Whist not wishing to deny the influential role that peer pressure can play in a teenager’s experience, reality is often very different from that anticipated and feared by parents.

I believe it is helpful to distinguish between peer influence and peer pressure, reserving the latter term to describe the situation where peer influence has become a problem. To varying degrees, people of all ages are subject to influence from their peers. In the case of teenagers, however, and probably due to a combination of factors, peer influence carries a heightened importance, sometimes spilling over into the negative experience of peer pressure.

It is important to understand that peer influence can be positive. The adult tendency to fear that teenage peer influence leads inexorably to undesirable or inadvisable behaviour is, in fact, ill-founded. As Maria de Guzman points out, “… peer influence … can actually motivate youth to study harder in school, volunteer for community and social services, and participate in sports and other productive endeavours. In fact, most teens report that their peers pressure them not to engage in drug use and sexual activity.”

Peer influence impacts across a range of areas from the superficial to the serious. It is most commonly observed in groups of teenagers dressing similarly, listening to similar types of music, or using their own customised vocabulary. Such common phenomena help us see that ultimately peer influence is founded on the desire to feel that one is accepted as a member of a group. However, as de Guzman points out, the similarities referred to above are often the reasons why groups of teenagers come together in the first place. So, whilst it may appear to the external observer that a group of teenagers portrays the effects of peer influence, those similarities may have pre-existed, and contributed to, the formation of the group.

It is difficult to identify precisely the point at which peer influence begins to tip over into peer pressure. One of the markers is the transition from group acceptance on the basis of similarity to pressure to conform. This feeds on the desire for acceptance and may be, at least to some degree, a self-imposed pressure whereby the teenager seeks to conform to what they think is the group expectation even though this may not have been spoken.

At the more serious end of the range from peer influence to peer pressure are the instances feared by parents. Some teenagers engage in riskier activities, make unhealthier decisions, and indulge in more problematic behaviours when they are with others than they ever would alone. In areas such as sexual activity, alcohol, smoking, drugs and illegal activity, some teenagers risk significant damage to themselves and serious long-term consequences. Peer pressure can be a contributing factor in all these areas. Parents, teachers and schools face the question of how they can best prepare teenagers to distinguish between the more benign peer influences, on the one hand, and the more serious aspects of peer pressure that need to be resisted, on the other. Additionally, there is the question of how teenagers can best be equipped to offer that resistance when it is required.

Advice for parents

Model a good understanding of what is important. Many arguments that occur between parents and their teenagers are focused on things that do not ultimately matter a great deal. To see their teenager wearing ripped clothing may irritate, for example, but it pales into insignificance alongside participation in cyberbullying or getting into a car with a peer who has been drinking alcohol. Wise parents will accord age-appropriate liberty with regard to the relatively unimportant matters, but will agree clear boundaries with their teenager regarding the more serious issues. Parents who are able to distinguish clearly between relatively minor and more serious matters, and to justify their distinctions, provide a good model for their teenagers. They also provide a sound basis for the teenagers to use as they come eventually to their own decisions about the relative importance of matters, and especially with regard to those that require resistance of peer pressure. This is even more the case if parents can refrain from “making an issue” out of something unless it belongs to the more serious category.

Work to build your teenager’s self-esteem. Parents should not under-estimate how difficult it can be for a teenager to stand firm in the face of peer pressure, especially in the age of social media. Teenagers with a strong sense of self-esteem have an improved chance of being able to assert their independence in the face of peer pressure when the need arises. Of course, the building of self-esteem will start during childhood, but it is an aspect of parenting that can be undercut as children become teenagers unless a deliberate effort is made to ensure its continuance.

Promote communication. Discussion between parents and teenagers of a wide range of issues can be helpful to the teenager as they seek to develop their own values and opinions. Many teenagers want to know their parents’ views on all manner of matters as it gives them a strong reference point as they seek to work out their own views. Discussion of peer influence and peer pressure can be included, especially if family discussions are a regular occurrence, along with possible strategies for resisting peer pressure where necessary. Especially with younger teenagers, rehearsal of simple strategies for saying “No” can be a valuable exercise. I believe it is important that teenagers learn to justify their views, rather than simply assert them, and to that end, they should understand that “everybody does it” is never an acceptable reason for a decision.

Get to know their friends. Wherever possible, get to know the friends of your teenager, perhaps by encouraging them to use your home as a meeting place. Engaging with your own teenager in private about some aspects of their friends’ beliefs or behaviours is appropriate, but avoid direct criticism of their friends as that is more likely to drive them away from you and towards the friends about whom you may have reservations.

Support your teenager. It is important for your teenager to know that you will always support them, whilst expecting them to take responsibility for their own decisions and actions. They need to know that they can come to you with any matter that is causing them concern, that you will listen to them and support them, without absolving them from the responsibility that is properly theirs. Peer pressure can be a powerful influence for sure, but it is not an excuse-all, as ultimately we are each responsible for our decisions and actions.

Advice for teachers and schools

Promote an accurate view of society. One of the reasons peer pressure operates is that many teenagers want to feel they belong, which means for them that if “everybody is doing it”, they want to make sure they are doing it too! Often, however, the behaviour that is perceived by teenagers to be the norm amongst their peers is in actuality the norm only amongst a small minority of their peers. Teenagers often have little or no concept of the bigger picture. For example, statistics indicate that in western societies, around 10% of teenagers are smokers. This means that around 90% are not smokers but, sadly, those who take up smoking “to be like everyone else” and so to appear cool, have no idea that they are leaving the position of the vast majority in order to align with a small minority. A more accurate view of society and a better understanding of statistics may not solve the problem of peer pressure but it could reverse its effect for some.

 Promote positive peer influence. The Red Cross uses peer educators to teach teenagers about safe sex because they have found that teens are more likely to listen to positive messages when they come from those in their own age group (Ref teens.lovetoknow.com). Schools are well placed to promote positive peer influence through similar initiatives and through mentorship programmes between older and younger students. Such schemes have enormous potential for good in the lives of today’s teenagers.

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Teenage Idealism

The March For Our Lives demonstration this past weekend is a good example of what can be achieved when teenage idealism becomes focused on a particular issue. The event, in support of tighter gun control, was sparked by the shootings at the Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida in February of this year. Last Saturday’s event is widely reckoned to be one of the largest demonstrations in American history, added to which there was a truly global response as marches of support took place in cities around the world.

Adults can sometimes be remarkably resistant to engaging with ideas advanced by teenagers. As Tyler Huckerbee says, “When your ideological opponent is a teenager, he or she is easy to dismiss … Why wrestle with the substance of their argument when it’s so much easier to just sigh about “kids these days” and be done with it?” Idealism is generally recognised as a characteristic of adolescents, and consequently can be given short shrift by adults. Certainly, there are situations where an idealistic view, allied to naivety, can be dangerous. However, idealism is by no means always a bad thing and can sometimes enable a level of clarity that seems to elude those with a more complex “adult” perspective.

Teenagers exhibit idealism as a result of the way their brains develop during adolescence. Early in adolescence, the brain’s computational capacity increases dramatically, bringing with it the ability for abstract thought. However, since the brain develops from back to front, younger adolescents rely more on emotional responses (located in the amygdala at the back of the brain) in their decision-making and responses. The ability for logical reasoning (located in the pre-frontal cortex at the front of the brain) develops much later in adolescence. Early on, then, teenagers are enabled to see the world in a new way through their capacity for abstract thought, but are likely to experience an emotion-driven “idealistic” response to how they want the world to be. The ability to analyze their response logically and to reason comes later, sometimes not until the early twenties, when a more complex “adult” view of the world develops.

Of course, the above is a simplified summary of a very complicated process that is subject, also, to individual variation. Additionally, how the teenage brain is used affects its development, so the way adults engage with teenagers can either promote or hinder the development of a healthy brain and patterns of thought. This is as true with the way adults respond to teenage idealism as with any other aspect of a teenager’s development.

Advice for Parents

Be interested, encourage and ask questions. At times, your teenager’s idealistic views will seem over-simplistic, but that’s because their idealism is a stage in their thought development. Teenage idealism is a sign of a work in progress, so it is important that by listening, encouraging and asking questions, you give them opportunities to refine and develop their thinking. Of course, that may mean that you need to invest some time in exploring for yourself the issues about which they are becoming passionate. Resist any temptation to dismiss their idealism. Well-informed discussion and thoughtful questions can be invaluable learning aids for your idealistic teenager. No discussion is wasted, even if their focus switches to another concern, as ultimately they are shaping their outlook on life and developing their moral approach to the world. By the way you engage with, and respond to, their idealism, you are seeking to model the healthy adult thinking processes that you would ultimately like them to adopt as their own.

Encourage the move from idealism to activism. Many older teenagers will eventually take this step for themselves. By encouraging the step from merely holding views about a subject to doing something practical about it, even with younger teenagers, you are facilitating the progress. Of course, the nature of the activism will vary according to the age, available resources and character of the individual teenager, but becoming actively involved at an appropriate practical level helps underline the necessary link between ideals and actions, and this is important for the development of responsibility.

Advice for Teachers and Schools

Show interest. It is very easy during the course of a busy day for teachers to brush aside the idealistic views of the teenagers around them. Finding a few minutes to listen and to ask a question can be helpful for the individuals concerned. Beyond that, however, especially when the idealistic concerns of teenagers “fit” with the subject, teachers have the opportunity to promote discussion and debate. This enables teenagers to explore their concerns as a learning community, within which they can challenge and help refine each other’s views and opinions. The presence of the teacher affords a measure of protection to those who are less willing than others to advance their idealistic views.

Refuse to give all the answers. Another shortcut to be resisted is to give “the correct answer” and to cut short teenage debate. This might save the teacher time but it will not help teenagers develop their thinking processes, so it must be regarded as suspect from an educational perspective. Asking questions, encouraging further research and exploration, introducing different perspectives to a debate, pushing students to explore further the consequences of the stance they are taking: these are all helpful ways of building on teenage idealism to advance the educational experience.

Support teenagers to pursue their idealism. It is difficult within a school community to allow every student to advance the causes about which they feel passionately, and in some cases it may simply be inappropriate. However, wherever possible, I would encourage schools and teachers to support teenagers as they pursue their journey from idealism to activism. Occasionally, such as with “The March For Our Lives” with which we began, idealism may galvanize an entire school community or generation and lead to undreamed-of outcomes. In many cases, that will not happen, but still there can be valuable experiences on many levels of teenagers learning to build on their idealism and make a difference. As Huckerbee states at the conclusion of his article, “Teenagers are going to change the world — if not today, then most certainly in the near future. The only question is how long it will take before the rest of the world takes them seriously.”

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Teenagers and Sexting

Sexting refers to the electronic sending, receiving or forwarding of sexually explicit messages, photos or videos. For most teenagers, it seems to involve nude or semi-nude photographs.

The more excitable elements of the press would have us believe that sexting is something in which virtually all teenagers are involved, but in reality that is probably far from the truth. Surveys I have seen give varying estimates of the proportion of teenagers likely to be involved in sexting, and these estimates average out to around 20%.

Sexting can come about in a variety of ways. Often it will start out as a private activity between two teenagers who have or want a relationship with each other. In this case, the dangers lie chiefly in what the sexting might lead to, especially if the relationship goes sour or breaks up. The image might have been shared originally with the unspoken assumption that it was intended only for the eyes of the two people in the relationship, but the rupture of the relationship can lead to the image being circulated more widely as revenge. In such a case, it is the electronic nature of the communication that puts the incident on a level that is beyond the experience of former generations. Whereas previously, a grainy photograph might have been shown around amongst a group of friends by a jilted lover in an attempt to embarrass the other person, now the image can be made available to literally thousands of viewers in seconds, especially if the image is uploaded to a social media site.

For some, sexting comes about as a result of peer pressure. The teenager is led to believe that “everybody’s doing it” and that the route to popularity is through participation. Sadly, for a number, this is not the case, and the images become the tools to be used by unscrupulous peers in cyberbullying. For others still, sexting may be the result of coercion, perhaps from someone they have met online, who has gained their confidence and persuaded them to upload images.

The legal status of sexting depends primarily on the age of the person in the image. If they are under 18, the transmission of electronic nude images (even of oneself) is likely to be regarded in law as the distribution of child pornography. In most countries this is a very serious offence that could lead to a jail term and to having one’s name recorded on a register of sex offenders.

Having compromising pictures in circulation amongst one’s peers can be a devastating experience for a teenager. The humiliation and embarrassment of the image being circulated in one’s peer community may, of course, be short-lived. For some, however, it can lead to years of ridicule, social exclusion and loss of self-confidence. It has certainly led to some having to move and change school in an attempt to escape the fallout. In the longer-term, the virtual permanence of items on the Internet brings potential consequences that seem to elude many teenagers, but it means there is always a risk of potential universities and employers uncovering the material and in some areas that could prove fatal to a promising career.

Advice for parents

If you can help your teenager develop a strong sense of their own worth as an individual, that may help them find the strength to resist peer pressure to send images of themselves should they experience it. Similarly, a strong sense of the worth of others will provide a firm base for the way they are prepared to deal with any material that might come to them from others.

Talk honestly about sexting with your teenager. As so often seems to be the case, meaningful conversations about this issue are best conducted outside of the charged atmosphere of personal involvement in an incident. Wise parents will find opportunities to talk occasionally with their teenagers about the subject, making clear the possible consequences, such as are discussed above, that could follow from their involvement in sexting . Additionally, advise them never to send images of themselves that they wouldn’t be happy to show their granny (or whoever happens to be their favourite relative).

Your teenager receives unsolicited images of others. Given the nature of social media apps, it is quite possible that your teenager could receive images of others that they have not solicited: perhaps the material has been circulated to all members of a group of which they happen to be a member, for example. Getting them to consider how they might want a friend to act if that friend were to receive a compromising image of them might represent a way to helping them find a solution. I believe also that one of the hard lines of which teenagers should be made aware is that if they receive such material, they ought never to forward it to others.

Your teenager has already forwarded images of others before talking with you about it. Without becoming overly critical, I believe it is possible to express disappointment in your teenger’s decision-making in circumstances such as this. Seeking to have them reflect on what their action says about the value of the person in the image may be the start of a way forward. From there, I believe the emphasis should be on helping your teenager find ways to redress the situation as far as that is possible. This may include them approaching those to whom the material was sent to get them to delete it, seeking to get material removed from social media sites if it has been uploaded, involving the school authorities if the others involved are from the same school. So far as possible, I would advise seeking to make the matter a learning opportunity for your teenager, not shielding them from uncomfortable consequences but reassuring them that you are there to support them through the experience.

Your teenager has sent images of themselves to others. Initially, try not to panic, since ultimately such a reaction will likely do more harm than good to your relationship with your teenager. There are two categories of issue here: (i) what to do about trying to limit the damage; (ii) why they sent the images of themselves in the first place. The natural tendency for most of us will be to start with the second point concerning their motivation. However, by working with them firstly on the practical level of trying to limit the damage, we may enable trust to grow in them for the deeper exploration that needs to follow.

(i) Limiting the damage. This might include seeking the deletion of the images by those to whom they were sent; brokering discussion with the person to whom the images were sent and their parents; accompanying your teenager to school authorities or the police, depending on the seriousness of the incident and the ages of those involved.

(ii) Examining the motivation. I suggest that generally it would be a mistake to view the images, even if they are offered. The aim of exploring the motivation of your teenager in sending the images originally should be that of helping them to learn about themselves from what has happened and about how they might handle situations differently in future. Through such discussions, always remember that teenagers make mistakes – it’s part of growing up – and the most important thing is that they learn from their mistakes. There will be times in some families where parents might need to involve a professional to explore the underlying issues with their teenager in order for there to be a beneficial outcome from such discussions.

Advice for teachers

Restrict communication with students to official channels. The main danger for teachers with regard to sexting is that of being drawn into it unwittingly. That could happen easily if the teacher shares their personal contact details with students and is a member alongside students of groups in text apps. Simply having received the material as a member of a group means that the teacher then has on their phone compromising material of one of their students. This could be more than unfortunate for the teacher and their career if a police investigation should ensue. Using only official channels, such as a school email address, for communication with students affords the teacher a level of protection.

Be on the lookout for students who are suffering from misuse of their image. On occasion, a trusted teacher might be approached directly by a student for whom sexting has gone sour. Working with the student to find a way forward, or finding someone who is better placed to help them, will be the way forward here. However, a teacher who keeps an ear to the ground for what is happening amongst their students might well pick up on students who are suffering as a result of their image being abused online. In this case, finding an opportunity to chat quietly with the student outside class, might give the opportunity to a student who is feeling increasingly desperate to be able to unload their concerns and find help.

Have strict limits on student banter in the classroom. I suspect a number of students get drawn into sexting “for a bit of a laugh”. Classroom banter can sometimes carry undertones that could contribute to pressure being brought to bear on individuals to participate in sexting. No one wants to lose the opportunity for a class to laugh together at times, providing individuals are not being targeted and ridiculed, but it would be tragic for a teacher to discover subsequently that the banter in their class had been used to pressure individuals into participating in sexting and that it had become a tool for subsequent cyberbullying. Clear limits that disallow inappropriate banter help provide a safe environment for all students in a class.

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Teenagers and Cyberbullying

Cyberbullying refers to any form of bullying or harassment that takes place through the use of electronic devices, such as a phone, laptop or tablet. This may take the form of a direct message to the victim(s) by SMS, text or email, or it can take the form of comment, photo, or video material about the victim(s) that is made available to a wide audience through social media or gaming sites. Recent statistics from both the US and the UK suggest that over 50% of teenagers have been aware of others being bullied online, and that in excess of 20% have been the focus of it themselves. It is, of course, the case that there has always been bullying. So, how is cyberbullying different from what has gone before?

No escape. The first way in which cyberbullying differs from previous forms of bullying stems from the 24-hour availability of the internet. Many victims of bullying in former generations knew they could go home from school at the end of the day and at least gain some respite in the safe space of home. For the victim of cyberbullying, there is no such respite. The internet is always there, and the bully might post new material at any time. This increases the pressure on the victim, day and night, always to be checking if there is a new post. Even if there is nothing new, the process of checking will bring back to their attention what is already there. It feels as if there is no escape.

Anonymity. In some cases, material may be posted online from an account created solely for the purpose of bullying, which gives the possibility for the bully to remain anonymous. This creates an intensified uncertainty for the victim, who may be left feeling that nobody in their circle of acquaintances can be trusted as any one of them could turn out to be the anonymous attacker. This situation can intensify the feeling of isolation felt by the victim as it effectively robs them of peers who can provide support.

Tips for Parents

There are a variety of things that parents can do to try to ensure that should their teenager ever experience cyberbullying, they (the parents) are in the best possible situation to try to support them.

Build up the child’s sense of personal identity. A strong sense of personal identity will help your teenager be more resilient in the face of all manner of problems, including forms of bullying should they become a target. Ideally, this is an approach that needs to start before the child reaches the teenage years, but if it is not something you have thought about before, it’s never too late to start!

Be careful what you post about your children/teens on social media. I have been shocked at times by the images of their children that some parents post on unrestricted social media. Causing your teenagers a mild level of embarrassment at a family gathering by showing around photographs of them when they were younger might provide entertainment for all – including the teenager. However, parents do well to remember that images of their children they consider cute or funny may unwittingly provide ammunition for cyberbullies.

Be aware of your teenager’s on-line behaviours. The degree to which this is possible will vary with the age of the teenager and will depend on the quality of the relationship between parent and teenager. Some parents of younger teenagers look to be “friended” on the social media sites their teenagers are using so they can exercise a degree of supervision, and this may be a good instructional tool. For all ages, however, the occasional family discussion about appropriate online behaviour could be a means of exercising some influence on the kind of apps that are used, appropriate levels of security and the kind of information that is made available through them to potential cyberbullies.

Watch out for tell-tale signs. If your teenager becomes a victim of cyberbullying, the earlier you find out about it, the better, in terms of supporting them through the experience. Even allowing for the moodiness that sometimes affects teenagers, and the reluctance that some have to discuss with parents what is going on in their lives, there may yet be changes of behaviour that will prompt parents to make further enquiries of their teenager. If the teenager become unusually withdrawn for more than a few days, especially if they seem to be withdrawing from their peer social circle, or if they become unusually aggressive in their responses, these could be signs that something else is going on in their lives. In and of themselves, such signs may not indicate that they are victims of cyberbullying, but they could be signs to the parents that some appropriate further enquiries might be made of their teenagers.

Your teenager is a victim of cyberbullying

If it becomes apparent that your teenager is experiencing bullying online, then the question arises as to what might be done to support them.

Reassure your teenager that they are not to blame for being bullied. This sounds obvious, but it is so very important. In the attempt to understand the cyberbullying targeted at them, teenagers are sometimes quick to find reasons within themselves for it having happened. Reassurance that it is not their fault is therefore very important.

Don’t retaliate on their behalf. Some parents may be tempted to leap to their teenager’s defence by entering into online combat with the cyberbullies. I strongly advise against such a response, the most likely outcome of which is to make matters worse by providing yet more material for the cyberbully to use.

Supportive action. Wherever possible, I would suggest discussing with your teenager the full range of options that might be available to them, and trying to ensure that they understand the implications of each possible course of action. Ideally, the teenager should take the decision about the course of action to be followed and you, as parent, will stand with them and agree the way you will support them moving forward. Such an approach will have the benefit of developing the teenager’s sense of responsibility, help them learn more abut decision-making in difficult circumstances, and help them feel a level of control in a situation where it is all too common for them to feel that they have lost control.

Your teenager is a cyberbully

Some parents may discover that their teenager is involved at some level in the bullying of others. Whilst the response may vary according to the age of the teenager and the extent of the involvement, I suggest the following elements should find a place in the parent’s response.

Stance against cyberbullying. A clear statement that cyberbullying is wrong would be my recommended starting-point. This is not in any sense a comment about the worth or value of your teenager, but a simple statement that you believe their actions to be wrong and that the cyberbullying needs to stop.

Supportive action. I suggest this should start with a full discussion of the options available to your teenager, with regard to appropriate responses to the person they have bullied and consequences that might follow from their actions. There may need to be approaches to the family of the victim, and to those of others involved in the bullying, as well as to those in authority at school. Where approaches need to be made, I suggest the responsibility for making the approaches should be placed firmly in the hands of those who have engaged in the cyberbullying. As a parent, I believe it is important that you stand with your teenager to offer support, but this does not mean excusing them from their actions or seeking to remove the consequences. Ultimately, it is important that teenagers learn from their mistakes, and the parent is well advised to keep this as their guiding principle whilst continuing to offer support.

Tips for Teachers

Teachers will agree that there can be no place for cyberbullying within a school community, but beyond maintaining that stance with students whenever the subject comes up, what might their role be?

Significant Adult. Both victims and perpetrators of cyberbullying will likely need to talk to someone at some stage. Teenagers will generally choose for themselves a significant adult for that purpose and it is not unusual for a teacher to find they are in that position. Playing the role of an “independent sounding-board” can be an invaluable support to a teenager as they try to figure out their best course of action, but for that to happen, it is important not to jump in and become their advocate with the school administration.

It is important, also, for teachers to maintain a professional distance from their students and not to get drawn into student online banter. There is a very fine line between banter that is genuinely funny for all involved and the beginnings of cyberbullying. Most of the time, students manage the distinction themselves, but when the line is crossed and victimisation begins to grow from the humour, a teacher who is involved in the banter can find themselves involved unwittingly in the cyberbullying. Students will choose their significant adults ultimately because they are adults, not because they can behave like teenagers. The professionalism of teachers is not only their best protection against inappropriate involvement with students, but also their primary qualification for becoming the significant adults who can help their teenage students as they journey towards adulthood.

Footnote: West Mercia Police in the UK have published information documents about cyberbullying for young people and for adults, which you may find helpful.

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All change for teenagers

Teenagers are in transition from childhood to the adult world and experiencing one of the major changes a person will ever face. All too often, those who have made that transition, whether long ago or more recently, forget what it was like and show little understanding of, and patience with, those who are currently experiencing that journey for themselves.

Everything changes

During the teenage years, literally everything changes. Some seem to experience the changes with few problems; whereas others hit problems and suffer enormously. The following is not intended to be an exhaustive list, but to give a summary of some of the changes that occur during the formative teenage years.

  • Physical appearance. Compare a photo of yourself aged 13 with one aged 19 and note the difference. In some cases it’s difficult to believe you’re looking at the same person! But what you can see is only part of what changes – a boy’s voice, for example, changes completely too! Accepting, shaping or fighting physical changes occupies a lot of teenage attention.
  • Gender & Sexuality. Gender consciousness and increasing sexual awareness have a major impact for many teenagers.
  • Levels of responsibility. Increasingly, teenagers need to take on greater responsibility, owning the consequences of their decisions and actions.
  • Outlook on life. During the teenage years, personal values are often developed, either confirming or replacing the parental values embedded during childhood. This can be a major source of conflict within the family, especially if it includes the rejection of the family’s faith or cultural values.
  • Relationships. Family relationships can be transformed as the teenager moves away from parental control towards independence. Peer relationships often take on a much larger influence than previously. Intimate relationships grow in importance and are explored by many.
  • Education. The nature of education changes, becoming more competitive and laying the ground for choices regarding life’s direction.
  • Career aspirations. These develop for many during the teenage years, providing confirmation for some of a long-dreamed-of future, but opening up completely new horizons for others.

The above is the kind of list that provokes responses like, “I’m glad those days are past!” and “Thankfully, I won’t ever have to go through those times again!” Perhaps such expressions of relief give us a hint as to why those who have completed the journey to adulthood can demonstrate little patience with those still struggling through that time of tumultuous change.

Many of us prefer to leave the more painful memories behind of what it was like for us, but today’s teenagers are a constant reminder, and all the more sharp when they are within our own family or our classroom. Parents and teachers are the two groups of adults in positions to interact most with today’s teenagers. Their roles are different, but complementary, under the overall aim of helping teenagers reach the world of adulthood. How that happens will be different for every teenager, parent and teacher, but here are a few pointers that I hope will stimulate some helpful reflection.

Three Basic Tips for Parents

  1. Accept that your teenager experiences the world differently than you did. Not only is it true that no two people are the same, but the world has changed greatly since you were a teenager yourself. The pace and pressures of life have increased; the attitudes and values of society have changed; advances in technology have revolutionized the way life is experienced. Taking the time to find out what life feels like for your teenager could be a great eye-opener, and one that could change the quality of your relationship with them.
  2. Take the risk of letting them go. The process of letting go needs to be gradual and spread throughout the teenage years, but it needs to be real. Independence is learned by experience, and wise parents will take the risk of passing increasing amounts of responsibility to their teenagers so that when the time comes for them to leave home they’re ready to embrace the challenge. When they fall, help them recover, challenge them to learn from their mistakes, but resist the temptation to hold on to them more tightly.
  3. Allow them to experience the consequences of their own decisions and actions. When their decisions prove to be good, give them the credit. When things go awry, resist the urge to take over. It can be painful for a parent to watch and support while their teenager experiences the consequences of their chosen course of action that has gone pear-shaped. However, the parent who always jumps in and shelters their teenager perpetuates the view that we live in a world where there are no consequences, and that is a delusion.

Those who travel regularly know the importance of dressing for their destination. In the journey through teenage, it is the destination of adulthood that needs to be allowed to shape the journey since that is the best preparation for a safe arrival.

Three Basic Tips for Teachers

  1. Treat teenagers as adults; not as children. The caricature of a teacher may say, “I’ll treat you like adults when you behave like adults”. In reality, I suspect such an approach may have more to do with the insecurities of the teacher than anything else as it feels so much safer to assert control. However, treating teenagers like adults often elicits adult behaviour. This is an important way of helping to ensure that those on the teenage journey are dressed for their destination.
  2. Give genuine responsibility. The giving of responsibility to teenagers is vital to them learning how it is handled. From taking responsibility for their own learning to taking leadership responsibility within the school community, teenagers need to be trusted with responsibility. It takes considerable skill on the part of teachers to develop the ability to trust teenagers with real responsibility and to help them learn from all aspects of it. It takes tremendous resolve to resist the urge to grab that responsibility back again as soon as something seems not to be working out.
  3. Fulfil the role of a teacher. It is sometimes thought to be a shortcut to teenagers becoming adults if their teacher becomes like one of them. Such confusion of roles rarely results in anything good. Of course you should be friendly, but they need you to be their teacher so that they can learn from your greater perspective, expertise and example. Trying to become just another of their friends is to shortchange them. Furthermore, in the long-term, they can come to resent such a move as a mark of disrespect, or can use it to take advantage of their teacher.

For all who seek to engage with teenagers, the importance of reassurance and encouragement, alongside appropriate levels of challenge, cannot be over-emphasised. In the experience of many adults, reassurance, encouragement and challenge are significant aids to growth. To those going through the enormous changes of the teenage years, they can make all the difference. They can even be life-savers.

(The intention of this introductory blog has been to sketch out an overall picture. Many of the issues touched upon could form the subject of individual blog posts and will do over weeks to come.)

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