Supporting the Mental Well-being of Teenagers

There have been welcome signs over the past few years of the beginnings of a shift in societal attitudes towards the subject of mental health. This has been largely a taboo area, but more recently there has been some evidence of an increasing willingness to talk about this hitherto hidden subject. An additional nudge in this direction has resulted from the national lockdowns instituted in response to the Covid-19 pandemic. The normal busyness of life was brought to a stop, networks and patterns of relationships were interrupted, and liberties were curtailed. The suddenness of such enormous changes prompted many to confront, perhaps for the first time, the robustness of their own mental health. The impact for teenagers was heightened by the need to limit social activity since this forms part of the exploration and striving for independence from parents that is associated with adolescence.

What is Mental Health?

It is widely recognised that one of the barriers to discussion in the area of mental health is its confusion with mental illness. In trying to understand these terms, I find it helpful to draw a parallel with physical health and physical illness. We all have mental health and need to look after it, just as we all have physical health and should protect it. At times, we may experience a mental health issue, just as we might experience a physical health issue, which may be easily resolved or something we have to learn to live with, but it is not necessarily an illness or evidence of one. However, if we develop an illness, be it mental or physical, it will impact our (mental or physical) health and will often require some form of treatment or intervention Huffington Post. It should also be noted that whilst they are treated separately above for the sake of drawing the extended comparison, our mental and physical health influence and affect each other. In general, our mental health refers to our ability to cope with life, to process our emotions and feelings, and to manage stress.

Teenagers and Mental Health

It is important to remember that the teenage years are a significant developmental stage in the life of a person. As they seek to develop independence from their parents, teenagers are developing the strategies and tools that will enable them to cope with the stresses of independent adult life. This applies as much to a person’s mental health as to any other area of their life, and it is complicated by the intensely personal nature of our individual mental health profile. Some teenagers by their make-up are, for example, more prone to worry about things than others; some might handle stressful situations with ease whilst some of their friends cannot. This means that any definition of what constitutes “normal” mental health must leave room for personal variation. Ultimately, I prefer to think of a good level of mental health as being a state of mind that enables the individual to enjoy life whilst managing its stresses.

However good one’s level of mental health might be, there will still be difficult experiences in life and teenagers need to learn to distinguish between serious challenges to mental well-being and just having a bad day or a difficult time. Robust mental health enables us to face and deal with difficulties and challenges and to become stronger as a result. In July, an article carried by Heidi News in Switzerland, stated that “The Covid-19 lockdown has affected the mental health of some 40% of teenagers, stressed by being cut off from friends and schools, fears of falling ill and a future that is out of their control.”. However, I would argue that fears of falling ill during a pandemic are a natural human response, and for the vast majority, their mental health will enable them to face and manage those fears. Those most at risk from the experience of lockdown in terms of mental health are those who already have underlying mental health issues, whether they have been previously diagnosed or not. Such underlying issues make it more difficult for them to respond appropriately to the new situation.

A month later, it was revealed that a study conducted in the UK amongst 13-14 year olds had indicated that for some teenagers, mental health had improved during the lockdown. As the NIHR School for Public Health Research suggests, the mental health improvement “may be due to the removal of stress factors often found in school environments such as pressure of academic work and challenging peer relationships.” With regards to the present discussion, the findings serve to underline the individual nature of mental health.

Teenagers, Mental Health Issues and Mental Illness

Given that different people and organisations draw the line between mental health issues and mental illness at different places, I find the comments of the Mental Health at Work Group helpful: “When a mental health issue begins to seriously take over a person’s life – impacting work, relationships, education, or social lives – MHAW considers it to be a mental illness.”

The World Health Organisation (WHO) suggests that 10-20% of adolescents globally experience mental health conditions. Anxiety and depression head the majority of listings of the most common mental health conditions experienced by teenagers, often followed by loneliness and stress. Such listings often go on to include eating disorders, self-harm, drug-taking, and a variety of learning, behavioural or personality disorders. The WHO points out also that suicide is the third leading cause of death in 15-19-year-olds.

What can parents do?

Parents are both the best placed and the worst placed to be able to help their teenagers in the area of mental health and well-being. Proximity within the family enables observation of behavioural changes that might be important signs of a developing mental health issue. At the same time, however, some teenagers are extremely reluctant to talk about personal issues with their parents. Often, the ability to help relies on a strong pre-existing relationship, which all parents can seek to build with their teenager.

I would summarise what parents can do, as follows:

  • Model and seek an adult relationship with your teenager.
  • Make time to listen to your teenager.
  • Take what your teenager says seriously.
  • Don’t pretend you know all the answers.
  • Seek out quality information about mental health amongst teenagers, including the signs to look out for.
  • Be on the lookout for marked behavioural changes – not the same as being faced by teenage stroppiness.
  • Don’t be afraid to suggest medical help if you think it is required, or to insist if you think the condition is becoming worse.

Parents need support too

Parenting can be hard work and extremely stressful. When faced with possible issues with the mental health of their teenager, parents can also feel incredibly alone. Wise parents will recognise the need to find support for themselves. Whether that support is professional or informal, having someone to whom they can talk about their fears, and who can help them find a way forward, is an invaluable aid to becoming better equipped to help and support their teenager.

This article was published in the Spring edition of International School Parent magazine, 2021.

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Teenagers and Sex (2)

The first of this series of articles on Teenagers and Sex concentrated on the context for sex, looking at respect, consent, information and safety. The second article will be built around the general theme of sexuality.

Sexuality is a term that is very flexible in scope, seeming almost to mean whatever an individual wants it to mean. Our first task, then, is to define it for the purposes of this article. In terms of a broad-brush description, Wikipedia’s “the way people experience and express themselves sexually” provides a starting point that would be acceptable to many. Writers generally divide human sexuality into a number of areas. Such lists can be long, but for the purposes of this article we shall focus on four areas with specific reference to how they might impact teenagers specifically. We shall look at sensuality, gender/sexual identity, intimacy and relationships, and sexual health.

Puberty, with its many physical, chemical and emotional changes, brings about an increase in sensuality during the teenage years that is both vast and unavoidable. Teenagers become aware that there is a sexual aspect to adult human life, which they want to explore, experience and understand. There are many levels at which the sensual development of teenagers impacts them, including how they view their own body, how they feel about other people, how they experience and manage their desires, which relationships they choose to pursue and how they foster and develop those relationships.

Basically, gender/sexual identity is about whether we identify ourselves as “male, female, both or neither”. For the current generation of teenagers, this aspect of human sexuality has become more prominent than would have been the case for teenagers merely a decade ago. During that short period of time, some societies have undergone a paradigm shift in public opinion regarding the social acceptability of homosexuality, whereas others have seen a hardening of their traditional approach. Teenagers in the digital age are aware of the range and strength of opinion in this area, yet still have to get to grips with the development of their own bodies, feelings and desires. It is not unusual for teenagers to experience a confusion of heterosexual and homosexual feelings, some of which may be temporary, some of which may be permanent, and some of which they may not comprehend until years later.

The third area of human sexuality concerns intimacy and relationships, and includes the closeness, familiarity and acceptance we show both to ourselves and to others. Intimacy can be emotional, intellectual, physical, sexual, or a combination of all these things; just as relationships can take the form of platonic friendship, close companionship, or involve sexual activity. Teenagers, building on the experiences of their childhood, and in the context of the development of their sensuality and gender identity, are figuring out for themselves what are appropriate levels of intimacy and levels of friendship. This is no easy task; it may involve an element of experimentation; almost certainly there will be mistakes; and it is part of a lifelong process of learning, development and commitments.

The aspect of sexuality focusing on sexual health is as wide and all-embracing as human sexuality itself. A teenager’s self image; the way they respond to their developing body and sexual feelings; the way they embrace or fight what they perceive to be their gender identity; how they manage their sexual desires; the levels of intimacy they decide it appropriate to pursue; the relationships they attempt to build with others; the precautions they adopt against sexually transmitted infections – all these (and more) combine to determine whether an individual’s sexuality develops in a healthy way and whether or not it remains healthy.

In what follows, I assume the overall aim of parents, teachers and schools to be the creation of a climate that is likely to yield the best opportunity for a healthy development of sexuality in the teenagers with whom they live, engage and work.

Advice for parents

Within the field of human sexuality, there will be for some parents areas about which they feel particularly strongly. We shall touch on some of those areas below with the help of three keywords: honesty, openness and acceptance.

Ultimately, the teenager’s developing sexuality will be a determining factor in the adult they become, which is why it is so important for their sexuality to be genuine for them as an individual. The best means to ensure a genuine outcome is to ensure honesty about the exploration. It is important to be clear here about what is happening as a teenager’s sexuality develops. It is not a case of teenagers exploring a range of possibilities and choosing the one that appeals to them most or which will make them popular with their friends. Rather, discovering their sexuality is about uncovering something that already exists and is developing within them. Teenagers are essentially discovering who they are and parents can play an important role here by reassuring their teenager that they have nothing to fear from an honest exploration of who they are at the core of their being.

I believe parents make a big mistake if they seek to impose their own understanding of sexuality on their children, or if they communicate the message that certain expressions of sexuality are unacceptable from the outset. Parents can best encourage their teenagers to adopt an honest approach to exploring their sexuality by being honest themselves with their teenagers. At a simple level, that means being honest about their own ignorance if teenagers have questions that they (the parents) cannot answer, and then searching for answers, either together with their teenagers or separately and then comparing answers. Where there is a fear that teenagers might discover about themselves things that the parents will find difficult to accept, they should be honest about that too, but with the assurance that if there are outcomes that the parent finds difficult they will work with their teenager to find a way forward. Trying to force a teenager in a certain direction with regard to their sexuality, has the potential to result in a life built on deceit, as the teenager tries to hide who they really are from their parents; or on denial, as the teenager tries to force themselves to become the “ideal” held by their parents whilst they know deep-down that their efforts are determined to fail because that is not who they really are.

Parents can help their teenagers a great deal in this regard if they can offer reassurance of their openness to what the teenager might discover about themselves. Sometimes, parents are fearful that their own reputation might suffer with their friends, or within the wider family or their faith community, if their teenager declares a certain gender identity, for example. Rather than trying to force their teenager to conform for the sake of their own reputation, I would encourage parents to support their teenagers through times of opposition to who they are. I recognise that this is not likely to be an easy course for parents to adopt, but ultimately it is the course I advocate for the sake of the teenager. Of course, for the majority of parents they way their teenager’s sexuality develops will create no such difficulties, but the fact that the parent assured them that they would have stood by their side if difficulties had emerged will have been an enormous confidence boost on their road to adulthood.

What this all boils down to, is that teenagers need to be reassured of their parents’ acceptance. This might come as a surprise to some, but it remains the case that the vast majority of teenagers, although they may not be prepared to admit it face to face, actually want the approval of their parents. Parents are in the process of setting their teenagers free to become autonomous adults, helping them to understand their sexuality by guaranteeing them acceptance is an important element of what it means to parent a teenager in today’s world.

Advice for teachers and schools

The development of student sexuality is one area where it is of paramount importance that teachers and schools offer protection against bullying. Adolescent feelings run deep and lasting damage can be incurred if students find any aspect of their developing sexuality held up to ridicule. Bullying takes many forms: verbal, physical, online, overt, hidden; so teachers have a vital role to play in remaining aware of what is happening within the student community, and students need to know where to turn if they need help.

I would encourage schools, also, to develop curricula that address the many aspects of teenage sexuality. Fear and mockery have their roots in the unknown as individuals and groups try to protect themselves from those they perceive as different or from things they do not understand. Schools are about education, so ensuring the educational programme addresses issues that go to the heart of what it means to be human should be an important priority. Where appropriate, I would suggest schools encourage student involvement in the formation and delivery of such educational programmes.

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